An Open, Mid-winter Letter to Mother Nature

 

An Open, Mid-winter Letter to Mother Nature

 

from Alice Jane-Marie Massa

 

 

Dear Mother Nature,

 

Winter.  Hm-m-m.  Yes, winter in Wisconsin.  Thank you for the snowscapes for this holiday season.  Now just a kindly worded reminder:  the holidays are over.  I am no longer in need of snowscapes, snowmen, nor snow angels.  As a matter of fact, all the salt mixtures which too often and too unnecessarily coat too heavily our sidewalks and streets makes me feel not too angelic.  Basically, I, herein, request that the remaining days and months of this winter constitute a “mild winter.”

 

Secondly, could you please stop having so many Press Conferences?  From a very reliable source, I heard what is going on at those Press Conferences.  Yes, I know that is when you and your team are pressing all of those … you know–SNOWFLAKES! 

 

Thirdly, I do hope that you will re-consider your recent Cabinet appointment.  The new Secretary of Ice (Department of Frozen Affairs) is, or has been, an over-achiever–a workaholic.  For the Secretary of Ice, I have only two words:  “Enough already!”  Have you, Mother Nature, thoroughly investigated the background of said Secretary of Ice to determine if he has any holding in a company or companies which sell salt or salt mixtures?  Especially on behalf of the four paws of my guide dog and the paws of all other such dogs, I implore you to check out promptly and completely this department.  (Whenever anyone asks me how I endure these Wisconsin winters, I coolly respond that I can live with the snow and sub-zero temperatures: what I cannot stand and tire of so quickly is the salt!  Of course, my guide dogs have agreed with my salient side of the salt situation.)

 

Fourthly, I have issues with your Cabinet Secretaries, also known as weathermen, weatherpersons, weather forecasters, meteorologists.  Whenever you drop an inch of snow, give the impression that a winter storm is possibly forming, or  remind us of the true meaning of The Frozen Tundra, the said weatherpersons are in their height of glory.  In the early stages of a blizzard, I have never seen such ecstatically happy people.  Really, can’t you have these Cabinet Secretaries maintain better control of their emotions during these snowstorms and other such weather happenings?  Just last week, one such weatherperson was absolutely delighted to use the word “frizzle” at least thirteen times during the half-hour evening news.  I would like to report that I was mildly frazzled when no “frizzle” materialized.

 

Finally, I do appreciate living in one of the selected areas wherein four seasons are distinct and desirable.  Living in a Land of Four Seasons does make life less boring, more beautiful.  However, I do ask you to keep in mind that Winter should end and Spring should begin in precisely sixty-eight days.  I will look forward to your response on or before March 20.

 

Sincerely,

A Frequent Shoveller  Alice Massa and my tendered-pawed Willow

 

January 11, 2017, Wednesday

 

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